EXAMPLES - Copy these

We nearly got fired after sending 100,000 emails with zero new customers. People were reaching the client's website, but that wasn't turning into the result we needed.

We changed the landing page for cold visitors. The next month brought more than 20 meetings with the same email copy and still no positive responses. Those meetings still had to turn into customers, but we'd found somewhere to make progress without rewriting the email.

When I put a campaign together, I want to follow it past the inbox for that reason. Here's what that looks like with the examples we've been using.

These are hypothetical emails. The software needs to be able to show a sample commission plan without a card or CRM connection. The agency needs to be able to do the review it's offering.

I'd send this to a sales leader:

Subject: commission questions

Hey Alex,

If your reps have to ask what they'll make on a deal, we built a way for them to check it themselves.

They can see the deal and how their commission was calculated.

You can try it with a sample plan before connecting your CRM, and you don't need a card.

Try a sample plan: {{your sample-plan link}}

The link needs to take them to that sample. If I send them to a homepage with six products and a demo form, I've made them figure out how to get the thing I just offered.

For finance, I'd change the opening to the work of reconciling payouts before payroll. I'd show that in the sample too, because their reason for clicking is different.

The agency email could be:

Subject: LinkedIn pipeline

Hey Alex,

Are your LinkedIn campaigns bringing in companies your sales team wants to talk to?

We help B2B teams get their ads in front of the right companies and turn those visits into demos.

Bring one campaign and we'll show you the first change we'd test to get more qualified demos.

Can we spend 20 minutes looking at it together?

Choose a time: {{your campaign-review link}}

On that booking page, I'd explain what we'll look at and ask them to bring a campaign. The page should make it obvious they're booking the review described in the email.

Neither example needs an invented customer result to fill a line. If I have relevant proof, I'd use it where the buyer is deciding whether to believe the offer. If I don't, the sample or the review gives them a way to judge the work.

I'd send the email and the destination to someone who hasn't seen either and ask what they expect to get. If they can't find it after clicking, I'd fix that before buying more traffic.